


I Ran To You

by eegghhh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kuroo leaves for university, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon, Sad Kozume Kenma, rated T for anxiety mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 02:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13731453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eegghhh/pseuds/eegghhh
Summary: A thought has been present in the back of Kenma's mind for a long time, and he realizes that he needs to say it out loud before it's too late.





	I Ran To You

**Author's Note:**

> It was back in high school when  
> We were talking late from 10  
> Staying up till 3 am  
> Just friends  
> ...  
> Cause every time I ran, I ran to you  
> I meant it every time I said I loved you  
> I kiss the thought of you and I  
> I still regret the day that we said goodbye  
> And do you think of me at night?  
> I still wish we could’ve made it right  
> We can’t ever say that we never tried  
> I guess everything seems more clear when on the other side
> 
> "The Other Side" by Tonight Alive
> 
> I've never written anything for Haikyuu!!, so I hope this turns out well.

Kenma laid on his bed, flat on his back, drowning in the monotony of his nails clicking at the buttons on his DS. The movements became background to his thoughts, having beaten this game five times before, he could almost play it with his eyes shut.

He could sense his phone sitting a few inches away, expecting a text message he’d never receive. It was beginning to drive him insane.

It was due to the fact of Kuroo leaving for university that day. He'd be busy packing, and moving, and leaving Kenma behind.

They'd discussed it prior. He'd only be an hour train ride away, so Kenma could see him on the weekends. Even then, knowing that his childhood friend, his _only_ friend, would be out of his reach made him sick to his stomach.

If Kuroo weren't leaving, he'd be texting Kenma about whatever off-the-wall thing he could think of. And though Kenma generally responded angrily, he held onto those stupid discussions.

Kenma shook his head, forcing himself to ignore the rampant thoughts and focus on his game again. A lump settled in the pit of his stomach, accompanied with uncertainty burning sour in his throat, and he attempted to swallow the negative feelings.

The images on the screen blurred as his attention drew further and further away from the game and more on the present problem. Games generally were miracle workers for curing anxiety for him, but this time, it was something he couldn’t shake.

He’d be alone from now on, until he could leave for university himself. And even so, he wasn’t certain he wanted to go to the same one as Kuroo. Though if the loneliness was going to drive him mad, he may have decided against his first choice.

“Dammit,” he muttered as he closed the DS and slammed it next to him where he was lying. He rolled over, covering his face with a pillow. Kenma brought his knees up to his chest and made himself into a ball. Curling in on himself didn’t solve anything, but it at least made him feel more secure.

He unlocked his phone to see what he’d expected: not a single notification. Kenma considered sending a text anyway. He’d also considered calling Kuroo, though that was highly unlikely.

After mulling over it and feeling completely miserable, he sent the text that had been sitting in his mind for the past two hours.

 

**To: Kuroo**

 

**Can I see you?**

 

A larger lump made its home in his gut, and he could feel himself shiver even though it was warm in the room. He pulled a blanket over his legs and stared at his phone screen.

After an eternity of gluing his eyes to the screen, he got a response.

 

**From: Kuroo**

 

**You miss me already???**

 

Even without Kuroo being in the room, he could hear his voice speaking those words, teasing, splitting grin plastered on his face.

 

**To: Kuroo**

 

**Shut up**

 

Kenma’s hands trembled.

 

**From: Kuroo**

 

**Of course, kitten.**

 

Ears burning, face burning, and heart hammering in his chest, Kenma pulled himself up from his bed and changed out of the pajama shorts he had on. He jammed sneakers on without bothering to fix the curled in heel, and shoved his phone in his pocket.

Kenma’s mother asked him where he was going, but he didn’t bother responding. He was on a time limit, after all.

\---

The words Kenma planned to say played over and over in his head, until they didn’t seem like words anymore. His palms sweat, the blood rushed through his head, but he continued jogging to Kuroo’s house. Air burned in his throat every time he took a breath, and his eyes burned with the wind whipping into them.

Kenma had known for a long time what he felt toward Kuroo. But it was hard to admit. He had been friends with Kuroo for years, and knowing that his feelings could change that fact messed with his head. He worried constantly that if he were to say something, it would be shot down, or that he could mess up the relationship and Kuroo would leave him for good.

But he would be even more devastated if he were to let the feelings sit as Kuroo was away. Kenma was scared he would forget about Kuroo, even though he would only be an hour away. Or he could fall for someone else. Or worse, someone would fall for him and he could end up in an unhappy relationship with that other person.

Every scenario where he said nothing turned out more horribly than being rejected. So he had to tell Kuroo, today.

He picked up the pace until he was sprinting, ignoring every muscle in his body that told him to stop.

Kenma hated running. It made his heart pound and chest hurt, and it reminded him of volleyball training. He never did look forward to that, he only looked forward to seeing Kuroo more. He knew he was good at volleyball, and he knew Kuroo liked him being there, so he stayed. He'd unintentionally made other friends, but he never counted them as being real friends. Nothing like Kuroo. They were more like next level acquaintances.

He would never run for them. He didn't think he'd do anything out of his way for them. But he did without a second thought for Kuroo.

Kenma breathed sharply through his nose as he turned the corner of the street where Kuroo lived.

After this conversation, would he still think of Kuroo as just his friend? And would Kuroo think that too?

He hoped not.

Kenma’s legs wanted to buckle underneath him. They felt like jello. He wasn't sure if it was from the nerves or how hard he was pushing himself. Kuroo’s house wasn't that far from Kenma's but it certainly felt like it was far when he was running there.

A big white moving van was parked in the driveway, one of the movers pushing a bookshelf in.

“Where is he?” Kenma breathed when he reached the mover. His lungs burned.

The mover raised an eyebrow. “Oh, are you his friend?”

Kenma nodded.

“I think he's getting the last of his things out of his room. We should be leaving here in about half an hour.”

_Not much time._

“Thank you,” Kenma said, bobbing his head as he left the driveway to enter the house.

Kenma had been in Kuroo’s room plenty of times. But this time, he got a knot in his stomach. This time, they wouldn't get to sit on Kuroo's bed and laze the day away. Kuroo wouldn't be rambling while watching Kenma play games over his shoulder. Kuroo wouldn't mess with Kenma's hair, braiding it and clipping flower barrettes in it. It would be an empty, cold room. No posters, no furniture, just a couple boxes and Kuroo.

He came upon the room to see exactly what he'd expected. Kuroo was leaning over and taping a box shut, scribbling a label on the side.

“Kuroo.”

The man in question turned from what he was doing and straightened. “You got here quick.” He looked Kenma up and down. His hair was tangled from neglecting to brush it and the wind whipping through it. The t-shirt he had on was too big, probably one that he stole from Kuroo when he'd forgotten to bring clothes to spend the night. His jeans were stained and his sneakers were barely on his feet. Sweat clung to his face. “Did you run? That's not like you.”

“Yes, I ran. I need to talk to you before you leave.” His voice was surprisingly steady. He raked a hand through his knotted hair.

Kuroo nodded, but his eyebrow raised. “Okay.”

Kenma sat on the ground and Kuroo joined, sitting across from him.

Kenma continued fiddling with the ends of his hair, working the tiny knots out with nimble fingers. “So, um…” The words seemed to catch in this throat. This should have been easy, right? He’d rehearsed the discussion in his head. Every outcome, he was prepared for it. Right? 

The taller man sitting in front of him tilted his head. “Something wrong?”

Kenma laughed in his head at the question. Everything about this conversation was uncomfortable and scary. 

“No,” he muttered anyway, “I just don’t know how to word this, I guess.” He inhaled through his nose, noticing that now he was shaking. He hoped Kuroo wouldn’t notice. 

Kuroo smirked. “I don’t have that much time, Kenma. You have to make it quick.” He sounded disappointed. 

“I know, I know.” He wrung his hands. “I just- this is hard.”

So much for practicing. In the moment, Kenma’s brain seized up. He couldn’t form the sentence he wanted to. 

“I wish I could stay longer, but we’re cutting it close to there before the dorm check in closes as it is. Is it something we could talk on the phone about? I could talk on the train.”

“No,” Kenma said more abruptly than he’d intended. Kuroo’s eyes widened. 

“Then what is it?”

Kenma squeezed his eyes shut. Not seeing Kuroo’s immediate reaction would help. 

“I’ve had these dumb feelings for you. For a while. And it hurts knowing you’re going away. And I know it probably won’t help that I’m telling you this when you’re gonna be gone, and we don’t have any time to talk about it. But it was going to kill me if I didn’t say something. So,” Kenma’s eyes popped open, ignoring Kuroo’s raised eyebrows, gaping mouth, and widened eyes. “I’m in love with you, Kuroo.”

Kenma’s mouth was dry. He never spoke in such a spurt like that. He remembered why that was right then. His eyes darted to his hands folded over his crisscrossed legs. Blood pounded in his ears, suddenly regretting his decision to spill his emotions out.

“Oh,” was all Kuroo could think to say.

_ Dammit this was an awful idea _ , Kenma thought, burying his face in his hands. He could have ruined everything in that little confession.

Kuroo spoke again, “You know, I've never heard you talk that much before. And...it was nice to hear you tell me that.”

“Don't make fun of me.”

When Kenma looked up, Kuroo looked genuinely hurt. 

“I'm not. It's hard to come to terms with it, I think. And, I think that I could return your feelings…” he scratched at his eternally messy hair, eyes to the ceiling. 

Kenma's stomach flipped. “There's no way.”

“I didn't think you'd confess first. I had this big thing planned when I came home for Christmas. You ruined it,” Kuroo said, smirking.

“Were you going to make a big deal of it?” Kenma scolded, shifting to sit on his knees.

“Isn't this a big deal?”

Kenma pouted, “Not unless you make it one. And  _ don't _ do that.”

Shrugging, Kuroo replied, “I can't promise anything.”

“I hate you,” Kenma said weakly. 

“You love me, you just said so.”

“Shut up, I can take it back.”

Kuroo scooted forward. “No, you can't.” He pulled the smaller boy into his arms and placed a kiss on the crown of his head. 

Reluctantly Kenma returned the hug, grumbling. But he was being warmed to the core by excitement, pride, and love for the one embracing him.

A knock on the doorframe startled them away from each other. The mover Kenma had talked to before was leaning into the room, embarrassed he'd walked in on them, but cleared his throat. “We'll be leaving with the truck in about ten minutes, please get the rest of the boxes in there before we leave. And you should be heading to the train station now, right?”

“Shit, yeah,” Kuroo mumbled, pulling himself to his feet. “Could you grab that over there?” He pointed to a cardboard box in the corner of the room. 

\---

Kenma helped with packing the last couple boxes into the moving van, stomach sinking all the while. Just because he decided to tell didn’t mean everything he’d been worrying about would be fixed. Kuroo was still leaving no matter what, he couldn’t prevent that even if he begged. 

A pout settled on his lips as the door to the van was pulled shut, and Kuroo poked at his arm.

“Hey, I’ll be coming back in a couple weeks. My parents are determined to make me visit every other weekend. So, we can do something then, okay?” Kuroo said in a comforting tone. His hand cupped Kenma’s shoulder. 

Kenma’s eyes didn’t shift to meet his. “A date, right?”

He nodded, black bangs shifting. “If that’s what you want, of course.”

“Good.” A tiny smile graced his lips. Maybe things would be okay anyway.

Kuroo’s other hand grasped at his shoulder, lips pursing, like he was about to lean forward,  but the mover clearing his throat interrupted. 

Kenma awkwardly nodded, “Okay, bye.” He turned back, feeling a bit lighter he left for home, walking this time.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be one chapter, but then all the ideas I have for this took over, and now it's looking like 3 or 4. The second chapter is well on its way to being written, so expect it fairly soon.


End file.
